Capture Your Grief, Day 18: Seasons and Symbols

December 2012 | Our Old Apartment | Longview, Texas

Day 18: Seasons and Symbols

I've always loved fall, October in particular. There's no reason why really other than the fact that I think something amazing happens when the life and warmth of summer collide with winters charm and create something entirely beautiful and new all together. It's the month I was married, the month my sweet niece was born, and its the month I first learned I was going to be a mamma. This year fall has carried a lot of mixed emotions. Maybe it's the fact that the only fall I've spent our current home in was one where we learned we'd be parents... the only thanksgiving was one where we spent the day distracting ourselves from the loss of the previous dream... the only Christmas we celebrated in this home was the Christmas we were supposed to announce to the world our impending parenthood. It's funny, the simple ambiance of a cool breeze swimming through the house with football on the tv and slippers on my feet takes me back to simpler times. It was this month last year that my world burst open with joy, and it was this month it began to fall apart. It's rather symbolic if you think about it, what fall represents. It's a season where the old transitions into the new, and even though in reality everything around us is dying and withering away, it's a gorgeous season and sight to witness. Isn't it true though? Some of the most stunning memories we all have of autumn we are surrounded by pieces the trees let go of as they themselves stand bare and incomplete in so many ways - But its necessary for the coming spring, and one of the most majestic sights I know. Maybe this season was given to me in so many ways for a reason. Maybe in some little way God is reminding me that he will make me new in due time. That there will be loss, there will be change, and everything I once thought true will float to the ground piece by piece; but that this is how we move forward, this is how we see the beauty, this is how we make way for new life.