Capture Your Grief, Day 29: What Heals You

February 10, 2015 | Home | Longview, Texas

Day 29: What Heals You

To be honest, this post has stumped me. Not because I don't know what the answer should be, but because I really do feel like I'm still in the middle of believing it and letting it happen. The process of trying to start a family that began with our losses is still in full swing; every test and appointment and prescription remind me that we're still a part of this chase - planning not doing, dreaming not seeing. And we're having to learn that it's allright, it's all a part of this process for us. Much of the healing that took place this year had a lot to do with accepting the story God was writing for us and releasing the expectations and plans we had for ourselves; and I can say through his grace, our prayers and the prayers of our family and friends, where we were once distraught and blinded we do feel put back together in many ways - not every day, but most, and that's progress...that's healing. It's taken all of this year to make that happen. For me personally it's been the time together with friends both in conversation and in silence, the long walks with Justin, the snuggles with Piper, the reassurance of forums and the community of women who have gained and lossed pregnancies in similar ways to myself. It's been those I know who have traveled this road of grief longer and farther than I could ever imagine sharing their pain and loss with me while graciously validating my own. It's been the light that catches perfectly in the leaves, the soft click of my camera, the nurses who remember my name, the cup of tea by the fire, the perfect pen to journal with...the small things, truly. Each little moment like bricks laid next to each other one by one that have paved a road towards healing and towards the future God has for us. And so it will continue...As we look down and stare at each brick while we place it next to the last it's been hard to really get a hold on where we're headed, but we can stand up and turn around to see the road we've traveled. To know where we are and see where we've been is how we are able to praise God for his provision and his comfort, it's how we are able to thank him for each stone as we place them, and how we are able to have faith that he will direct us as we put them down.