Capture Your Grief, Day 6: Books

August 1, 2015 | Home | Longview, Texas

Day 6: Books

Justin and I love to read. Our nightstands, mantles, and walls are flooded with stacks of books of all kinds of shape, size, and topic. We have always talked about wanting our children to love the feel of pages between their fingers as we do, and have collected childrens books for the last five years together in hopes of stocking a nursery someday with our finds. The week after we found out I was first pregnant we of course headed to the bookstore for all kinds of new and exciting literature about what we could expect on this journey of pregnancy and parenthood. While I was making my way to the front with my purchases I saw the 20th Anniversary Edition of 'Guess How Much I Love You' on a display. As I sat down on the floor and leafed through the book I remembered from my childhood I was so overwhelmed by how much I already loved my little bean, and despite the ridiculous price tag, bought the book.

Ten months, three losses, and one passed due date later Justin walked through the door with a bag in his hands. He made his way over and pulled out the Curious George book for me to see and all I could do was melt into tears as we looked through it together. He quietly talked to me about he loved Curious George when he was little and how he hoped that someday we'd get the chance to share this book with our children.

That night when we were laying in bed I had mentioned to Justin that I recalled reading Curious George to my younger brothers, but for whatever reason couldn't remember if I had read them when I was little or had anyone read them to me. Without a word he disappeared into the other room to get the book, crawled back in bed, wrapped his arms around me, and read to me from the pages as I smiled and thanked God for the loving father I know he will someday be. When you walk this path it can be so easy to feel isolated and lonely, even from your significant other. And for me it's been moments like these that I can look back on and see God drawing us nearer to one another despite-or truthfully, because of the struggle. One day I will sit with my firstborn and spread these books out in front of them with joy knowing that they not only represent our love and affection, but also the journey God has lead us through to get to the very place we will be.