Capture Your Grief, Day 7: Memory

October 31st, 2014 | Target | Longview, Texas

Day 7: Memory

It's funny, I have a habit of documenting life as it happens - regardless of circumstance or mood, and because of this it turns out I'll only need to take a handful of new pictures over the course of the month. It's been really special for me, this project, to be able to share some of the moments I've gathered over our last year...both good and bad. Some are simple, but some carry so much weight and emotion. This is one of those pictures. I woke up on a Friday morning just knowing I was pregnant - at this point I had no idea what it meant to obsess and convince myself of what I wanted - at this point I was new to this all, naive, optimistic and above all, innocent. That day after work on October 31st my second line showed up, beautiful as ever and I got busy working on my plan to tell Justin. He was working late and had to go in early the next morning as well; how I managed to hold it in for twenty hours is beyond me...It probably helped that he was at work or we were sleeping for eighteen of them! Friday evening I headed to target for another pregnancy test, a card, some poppy seeds so I could show him how big our little one was at that moment, and some other goodies for my adventure to motherhood. This is one of my favorite memories and I hope - despite all of the fear, the anxiety, and the worry of another loss - I will somehow be able to embrace this kind of reckless joy the next time we are expecting. I was over the moon. I set my basket down and took this photo with life inside of me as I stood in the middle of a target isle. I will be here again someday, I know this to be true, and it's memories like this that keep my heart hopeful for what's to come.

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